Longing for Your Former Self: Grieving Past Versions

The Dance of Life's Phases

Life is a river in constant motion, and we, its navigators, are always in transition. Each phase invites us to a new dance, with different rhythms and steps. In your 20s, perhaps the melody was one of adventure, boundless exploration, throwing yourself into every experience with intensity. In your 30s or 40s, the music might shift to building roots, stability, a more focused look at what you want to solidify.

And in this transition, it's common to feel a type of grief – the grief for who you once were.

This isn't sadness for your current life, but a subtle longing for that version of yourself that, in some way, was left behind. That person who slept in hostels in Asia, who changed jobs every year, who lived every party intensely. This nostalgia is natural and part of the maturation process.

In my work, I notice that many of us, especially women, ask ourselves: "Have I lost my essence? Am I 'cooling down'?" This article is an invitation to explore together this journey of internal adaptation, of how to honor who we were while embracing who we are becoming, without losing the flame of curiosity and meaning.

Longing for Your Former Self: Grieving Past Versions

It's a curious feeling, isn't it? Looking back and feeling a pang of nostalgia for that version of you who was freer, more impulsive, perhaps more uncommitted. In your early 20s, life seemed like a playground of infinite possibilities. Decisions were lighter, responsibilities smaller, and the ability to throw yourself into new experiences was almost limitless. You could travel with a backpack, move cities on a whim, or stay up all night without feeling the weight the next day.

This "longing for your former self" is not a sign that you are unhappy with your current life. On the contrary, it's a natural recognition that you have evolved. It's the grief for an identity that, although no longer your primary one, was fundamental in bringing you here. It's like saying goodbye to a dear friend who needs to follow a different path.

This former version of you hasn't disappeared; it has transformed, integrated into the complexity of who you are today. The challenge is to acknowledge this loss without clinging to it, allowing yourself to live fully in the present.

The Fear of "Cooling Down": Redefining Adventure in Adulthood

One of the biggest fears that accompanies this phase transition is that of "cooling down." The idea that adult life, with its responsibilities and routines, can extinguish the flame of adventure, spontaneity, and intensity. In your 30s, 40s, or beyond, adventure no longer necessarily manifests itself in backpacking trips through Asia or all-nighters. It redefines itself.

Adventure can be learning a new language, starting a personal project, exploring a new passion, deepening a relationship, discovering new corners of your own city, or even challenging yourself to step out of your comfort zone in small daily actions. Stability doesn't have to be synonymous with monotony.

On the contrary, it can be the secure base from which you allow yourself to explore new depths, new types of adventure that were not possible before. It's about finding intensity and meaning in the small things, in building something lasting, in the depth of connections, and in the continuous discovery of who you are and what drives you. The flame of curiosity can and should remain lit, but perhaps it now illuminates different paths.

Post-Transition Growth: What is Lost and What is Gained

Every life phase transition is a process of loss and gain. We lose the carefree freedom of youth, the spontaneity of someone with few commitments, the identity that defined us at a certain moment.

But, in return, we gain something of invaluable worth: maturity, self-knowledge, resilience, the ability to build deeper and more meaningful bonds, and a new perspective on what truly matters.

Post-transition growth is not about going back to who you were, but about integrating all your versions into a more complete and conscious person.

It's understanding that adventure is not limited to exotic places, but can be found in the depth of a conversation, in building a project, in overcoming a personal challenge, or in discovering new passions that align with your current phase. It's a process of re-signification, where what was once seen as a loss transforms into a foundation for a new kind of flourishing.

Conclusion: Keeping the Flame Alive While Building Roots

The question remains: how to keep the flame of curiosity alive while building roots? The answer lies in balance and intentionality. There's no need to abandon adventure to embrace stability, or vice versa. It's about finding your own definition of a full life, one that honors all your versions and allows you to continue growing and exploring, but in a way that makes sense for your current moment.

Allow yourself to grieve the versions left behind, but don't cling to them. Celebrate your adaptability and the richness of your experiences. Redefine what adventure means to you, finding it in the small and large discoveries of everyday life. And, above all, trust the process. Life is a journey of constant reinvention, and each phase brings with it the opportunity to become an even more authentic and happy version of yourself.

An Invitation to Self-Discovery and Flourishing

If you identify with this journey of transition and feel that you need a space to explore these emotions, redefine your purposes, or simply find support to navigate this new phase of life, know that you are not alone. Therapy is a powerful path to self-knowledge and to building a life with more meaning and well-being.

I am here to accompany you on this journey, offering a safe and welcoming space for you to honor who you once were, embrace who you are becoming, and build a future that reflects your true essence. Contact me to schedule a session and let's flourish together in this new phase.